


The Ways I Love You

by PontifexxMaximus (WibblyWobbly_TimeyWimey)



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series), Dimension 20 Live, Fantasy High
Genre: Asexual main character, Asexual riz, First Kiss, M/M, Resurrection Ritual, a smaller collection of fabriz moments in the beginning, ace!riz, discovering feelings, major character death but then un-death, no label fabian, this is... a cocktail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24164641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WibblyWobbly_TimeyWimey/pseuds/PontifexxMaximus
Summary: Fabian Aramais Seacaster had many outstanding qualities. Being exceptionally bright and insightful was… not one of them, so it wasn’t all that surprising that it took him literal years to realize that he was in love with his best friend. Riz was the detective really, the insightful one, he should have known pretty much… well, straight away.orThe story of how Riz and Fabian fall in love, it takes them years to figure it out and someone has to die (but maybe not?) along the way.
Relationships: Riz Gukgak/Fabian Aramais Seacaster
Comments: 7
Kudos: 127





	The Ways I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty new to the fandom so I don't know anyone who could beta this, if you want to... please shoot me a DM on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/myosotis_arvenc).
> 
> Also, I haven't written in a while so sorry if this is a bit shit, I just really wanted to create something for the fandom!
> 
> Major spoiler warning for all of FY and SY!

Fabian Aramais Seacaster had many outstanding qualities. Being exceptionally bright and insightful was… not one of them, so it wasn’t all that surprising that it took him literal years to realize that he was in love with his best friend. Riz was the detective really, the insightful one, _he_ should have known pretty much… well, straight away. As fate would have them, neither were perceptive when it came to romance. Instead they led a weird dance of never quite there but not really _not_ there either.

Riz calling Fabian his best friend for the first time, his heart clenching just _so_. Was that happiness? Finally having a friend, and on top of that a best friend who was also cool? Or was there something else, some other reason for this weird feeling in his chest, that he couldn’t identify. Well, whatever, surely it didn’t matter.

The first time they rode together on the hangman, Riz’s arms wrapped around Fabian’s waist, Fabian’s heart beating wildly in his chest. Was he having a panic attack? His constricting chest, being short of breath, his heart feeling like it might jump out at any second. Fabian learned the hard way later that there was no way that could have been a panic attack, because even though the symptoms might have been the same, the sensation was very different when you actually had a panic attack. Which really sort of put things in perspective, because what had been happening back then, if not a panic attack? If he now knew how very different the sensations had been, what had he been feeling sitting on the hangman, Riz pressed against his back? Well, nevermind, he was in the middle of a quest and it did not do well to dwell on meaningless things in the middle of a quest. Meaningless…

There were many moments where Fabian should have known. The jealousy and confusion he felt when Riz mentioned Baron. The relief when he found out Baron was a lie.

The way he felt when they finally rescued Aelwyn. He’d been waiting so long to get his kisses in, and yet he… didn’t really feel like it.

The most obvious clue should have been when Riz died in the battle with Kalina. The way Fabian’s entire world stopped. And when he was thrown off the stairs, Fabian using every ounce of power he had to get to him, flinging out his battle sheet, the fire elemental bringing Riz in for a kiss. And afterwards, when all he wanted to do was hold Riz close and never let go again, even though they were in a fight.

Yes, Fabian should know, but he didn’t. However, that moment is right about when Riz realizes he likes Fabian. Which is all very confusing because well, they’re in the middle of battle, and he’s just had that talk with his father about how all his friends are super horny and he’s not. And he still isn’t, and he’s learning that that’s okay, but still… He does like Fabian. It is unmistakable. He hasn’t felt this before, but he is a detective. He knows which clues to look for. He knows about the sweaty palms and accelerated heartbeat and wanting to pull Fabian in for a kiss of his own, not just by proxy fire elemental. And when Fabian does something particularly stupid or endearing Riz almost blurts out the words “I love you”. It’s slowly becoming a real problem, this compulsion to let Fabian know that Riz loves him. It’s bubbling and bursting from his heart, trying desperately to escape like a bird in a cage who just found out that the door is open.

But Riz can’t say it, he can’t. He knows he doesn’t just mean it as a friend and he doesn’t think he would be able to take it if he said it, and Fabian just took it as friendly, laughed that perfect laugh and said he loved Riz too; because it wouldn’t be the way Riz wants him to love him. And Fabian is also probably straight.

So Riz fights. He pushes. He closes the door, hatches the latch. Burries it deep down inside. Forgets his feelings (he never forgets, but boy does he try).

Fabian admits to himself that he likes boys at the start of Junior year. They’re at a party, and Ragh is moping all night about the fact that he’s been out for more than a year and yet the only boys he has kissed are Gorgug and Fathethriel. So Fabian, being a proper homie, half-jokingly kisses him. And… He likes it. He doesn’t like Ragh, not like that, that much is crystal absolutely clear, it is merely a friendly kiss between two homies, but it still awakens something in his heart. They laugh about the kiss afterwards and Ragh pats him on the back calling him a good ally, when something compels Fabian to defend himself.

“I’m not, though”

Ragh bites back a laugh. “You, not a good ally? I’ve never seen a badass bloodrush captain having this many LGBTQ+ friends and supporting them,” Ragh gives him another pat on the back, a little forceful as is expected from Ragh. Fabian inches away from him, looking around to see if they’re alone in their little corner of the party. The rest of the bad kids have started making crab jokes again, and well… That will occupy them for a while.

“No, I’m not an ally because I’m not… I’m not straight,” Fabian whispers out the last statement, Ragh’s eyes enlarging comically with the gravity of the situation. He goes to say something as Fabian stops him, “And I don’t… I don’t know what that means okay. I don’t know what I am but uh. Not straight. I know that”

Ragh gives him a big smile and an even bigger hug. “Hell yea man. Welcome to the other side. When you’re here, you’re family.” And if Fabian cries a little at that, well, that’s between him and Ragh. Later, Ragh tells everyone that Fabian just had a little too much to drink and started crying about how much he loves the hangman, which is, well, embarrassing, but it’s not as bad as being outed before you’re ready or even know what to come out about.

Fabian does not come out for a long time. He doesn’t really know how you come out when you don’t even know what your label is. He knows he likes all genders, probably, but he doesn’t find a label he really likes. And it doesn’t really matter as long as he’s not really dating anyone, right?

But then he does start getting asked on dates, and well, he goes on some of them. They’re… Okay. He likes getting his kisses in. But he also feels like something is missing. He’s busy with the bad kids anyway. They have their weekly sleepovers, and he and Riz have sort of worked out this daily thing where Fabian will play games on his phone in Riz’s office while Riz works, or Riz will work, spreading papers everywhere on Fabian’s floor as Fabian plays the newest videogame on his computer. So, when he goes on these dates it takes away time from his routine. It’s actively eating into his best-friend-time, and Fabian doesn’t want to be the kind of sucker to ditch his best friend for a date. Which is totally the only reason he stops going on dates and keeps on hanging out with Riz every day.

Riz is also the first to comment on the fact that not all of Fabian’s short dating life revolved around girls.

It’s a Saturday night. The weekly sleepover is at Riz’s place this time, which always meant they had to split up for the actual sleeping part, since the apartment isn’t very big. Which always meant that Fabian and Riz shared Riz’s room and Riz’s bed, because they are best friends, so that was to be expected. Riz tried to be casual about it every time. These were the times he thanked the gods out there that he is asexual, because he is sure that makes this situation marginally less awkward than it could be.

Riz feels almost drunk on tiredness, and definitely a little drunk on the cherry wine Fig had swiped for all of them, and he’s feeling stupid and bold, which is why he asks.

“Fabian?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re awake?”

“Yes, the Ball, I am awake”

Riz turns in the bed so he’s facing Fabian, finding his eyes in the black-and-white sea of the darkness. He swallows.

“When you used to go on all those dates… Well, it’s really not my business, but I noticed they weren’t all girls,” Riz dries his sweaty palms discreetly on the duvet.

Fabian yawns a little, “Yeah”. And that’s it, that’s what Riz gets.

“I just want you to know that you can tell me… you know… if you want to,” Riz sighs, building up his courage, “I, for example, am gay,” he closes his eyes not wanting to see Fabian’s reaction. He knows Fabian will be supportive, but what if Riz’s crush is written all over his face and Fabian knows now?

“Riz, I know,” Fabian even chuckles a little. Riz frowns.

“What do you mean you know? I literally haven’t told anyone!”

“You did refer to Baron as a boy. Many times. Literally all the times we’ve teased you about him,” Fabian smiles, but it’s not a teasing smile, it’s a soft, reassuring smile. Riz smiles back.

“Oh, well… I didn’t think about that. Anyway, now you know for certain. I am. Gay,” he smiles as he says it again, letting the words roll off his tongue. He hasn’t really ever had a problem with being gay, but he hasn’t found the right time to say it out loud and it… It feels good. Fabian smiles too.

“So, what about you, are you gay?”

Fabian scoffs loudly, stops for a second to hear if anyone in the living room woke up, then continues, “The Ball! You can’t just ask people if they’re gay,” he takes a second, lowers his voice, “I’m not. But I’m also not straight. I don’t know what I am. There’s no label I feel at home in. Isn’t that okay? To just date and not have a label?” and this is the first time since the whole fiasco on Leviathan that Fabian sounds insecure and small. It makes Riz’s heart clench, the words of ‘I love you’ bubbling on the tip of his tongue. He swallows down the words, turning his attention towards being a good friend.

“No, that is okay. You know, lots of people don’t use labels at all. Ever,” he smiles reassuringly at Fabian, who looks at him as though he just gave him the secret recipe for his grandmas quesadillas.

“Really? Well, that will be me then. Fabian Aramais Seacaster, the great mystery,” he smiles proudly, and Riz feels oh so fond.

They go on another quest that year. By summer the Night Yorb can no longer be ignored, as it’s starting to wreak havoc upon the world.

And Riz dies. Again. But this time Kristen can’t get to him fast enough, this time Kristen is affected by Banishment and can’t cast revivify. This time, the odds are not in their favour. Fabian watches, across the battlefield, so far away, too far away, as the Night Yorb scoops up Riz’s tiny body, so little, in one hand, and crushes his spine with a simple flex of its hand, letting go. Fabian runs forward, so fast, faster than he ever has before, as Riz’s body plummets towards the ground, already limp and lifeless. He doesn’t even get there in time to catch Riz’s dead body. He comes to a halt five feet from Riz when his body hits the ground, violently, a sickening crunch from Riz’s bones, as his body lays mangled and unnaturally on the ground.

Fabian wishes he could say that was the day he discovered his inner barbarian and singlehandedly finished off the Night Yorb. Instead, the Night Yorb gets away right as his friends are about to kill it, Fabian sitting useless, so useless and still next to Riz’s body with his bloody head in his lap, not crying, not screaming, not speaking. That is when Fabian realizes that he loves Riz. At that useless, useless moment. Riz is dead and Kristen is banished for the next minute, and even if she wasn’t Fabian is pretty sure she has no spells left. This is it. Riz is dead, he really is, and Fabian really loves him. A minute ticks by, and the time to revivify runs out. It’s too late. He’s dead for good.

As his friends fight around him, the life he could have had with Riz plays before his eyes. And then the past, all the times he should have known he was in love with Riz. If he hadn’t been so stupid, so dense, they could have had some time together, if Riz loved him back. Now it’s too late.

That’s how Kristen find him, sitting in the middle of the battlefield, the battle long over, crying silently and cradling Riz’s head in his arms. Kristen puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Fabian, there’s something we could try. I know of a resurrection spell. I’m nowhere near strong enough to cast it, but by the will of Cassandra, maybe I could,” she tries to smile, reassuringly, “I am the blessed saint Applebees after all”.

Fabian laughs despite himself, the shock setting in. “Well, then get to it! Bring him back! I need to talk to him.”

Kristen looks at him in that way she sometimes does, that way that says, ‘I know your every secret’. Fabian doesn’t like that look.

“It’s still a maybe, Fabian. If you get Riz to the hangvan I’ll try to contact Cassandra.”

Fabian nods. A maybe is… not good, but it’s better than what he’s got right now. So he adjusts his grip on Riz’s body and stands up holding him in his arms. He’s reminded of sophomore year, where he used his sheet to swaddle Riz and hold him close in the middle of battle, and oh gods, how could he not have known? He carries the body to the hangvan silently, his friends falling in step with him. All of them are crying, but they don’t try to take Riz from him. They give him space. Maybe they already know.

Kristen’s prayer to Cassandra is… long. Hours go by, where Fabian sits in silence by Riz’s body, not answering when their friends beg him to eat something. He can’t eat, can’t drink, can’t sleep, can’t live while Riz is still dead.

Finally, in the early morning light Kristen returns to the hangvan, looking rough and exhausted. Fabian reminds himself that she’s just been in a big battle, and then prayed for hours afterwards, and now she is gonna try some big, powerful spell she doesn’t even know. A part of him, the part that would care if Riz wasn’t dead, aches for her. Instead he just looks at her, hopeful and hopeless at the same time.

“I- I think I can do it. We need to do a ritual, it’ll take an hour and we all need to offer up something important, but it should work. I should be able to resurrect him,” Kristen seems to be in planning mode even though she looks like she might drop at any second. An hour? Could she stay awake for that long, doing powerful magic? She’d have to.

Everyone gets ready preparing something important.

In the late hours of the morning they start the ritual. Gorgug gives up Zelda’s mixtape, blaring the various metal songs loudly as they do the ritual, the songs slowly fading as Cassandra accepts the offering. Adaine gives up her old arcane focus, which she has been carrying around as one of her only memories of her parents. The orb too disappears. Fig gives up Ayda’s feather. She can get a new one, but not before they get home to Ayda, so she’s giving up her option to call for her on the quest, as well as giving up a piece of a phoenix to help aid in Riz’s rebirth. The feather goes up in flame. Kristen gives up her very energy, being tapped by the second by the spell.

Fabian. Fabian thinks long and hard about what he can give up. What he wouldn’t give up for Riz. But there’s one thing that’s most important to him, only one thing he can think of, one thing he really wishes Riz was alive for, and he’ll give that away.

He looks around at his friends not wanting to do this in front of them. But that is why it’s important, why it will work, because it has to be a real sacrifice. “I- I give away my love. I love you Riz, and I can’t have a life without you, I simply can’t. So, I’ll give away this confession that should have been for your ears, not everyone else’s. And I’ll give up on a romantic life with you, if it means I will have a life with you as my best friend in it,” Fabian looks around at his friends’ faces. They look… shocked. Kristen maybe doesn’t look as surprised as the rest. But there’s no judgment, no harsh feelings. A single tear falls down Fig’s face, as she shakes her head slowly at Fabian.

“Fabian, you can’t do that-“

“What _else_ am I supposed to do. I love him, I need him back. I need to give something big-“

Fabian’s rant is cut short as Cassandra appears in all their glassy holiness in front of them.

“I don’t think I can take this. It’s too important. You’ve already given enough with your sadness. I’m honestly really embarrassed I even have to ask these sacrifices of you guys…” they trail off, as they look uncertainly at Kristen, who simply nods at her goddex, encouraging them to go on.

“Anyway. Kristen. Let’s try to do this,” Cassandra moves their form behind Kristen and puts their hands above hers, above Riz’s heart. Pure darkness flows from their combined hands into Riz’s chest, and then they wait. Fabian counts his own heartbeats. One. Two. Three. He gets all the way to ten, sees Cassandra’s face fall as they go to apologize but then… Then he hears a familiar sharp intake of breath. He squeezes even harder on Riz’s hand that he is holding, as his best friend slowly starts to breathe again. Fabian feels his pulse, the proof that his heart is beating in his chest. He looks up at Kristen, Cassandra long gone.

“It might be a while before he comes too. Maybe we should just sleep,” she says, and Fabian doesn’t want to agree, but he does

He carries Riz again, this time inside the hangvan to lay down in soft pillows and blankets, swaddling him close like he did that one time during spring break in Sophomore year. He holds Riz all through the day, not sleeping once for fear that Riz might wake up while he’s asleep.

As the sun beings to set Riz beings to stir. The rest of the bad kids are still sleeping soundly. Fabian considers letting go of Riz, backing up a little so he can lie about ever having swaddled him, but he can’t get himself to do that. Can’t lie anymore now that Riz has been dead, properly dead.

“Hey. I saw my dad again,” Riz’s voice is rough, and as he forces the words out, he coughs a little, Fabian feeling every motion, as close as he is. Riz opens his eyes and gives Fabian a smile that is so impossibly soft, Fabian might just tell him on the spot, that he loves him.

“I thought it was really it this time. We’d almost found an office space for me, when you all brought me back,” Riz smiles softly, closes his eyes again, as if reminiscing.

“I- We couldn’t let you go Riz. Not for real. That’s too soon,” Fabian argues, drinking in every detail of Riz’s face oh so close. He sees how the corners of Riz’s mouth lift slightly in a soft smile. Fabian needs to tell him now, before someone robs him of the chance again. They can’t always expect Cassandra to be able to pull out such powerful magic.

“Hey, Riz,” Fabian takes a sharp intake of breath, “I love you.”

Riz’s smile widens. “I love you too.”

And Fabian’s heart sinks a little because that’s not how he means it, and the way Riz says it isn’t the way he wants to hear it.

“No, the B- Riz, I _love_ you,” he tries again, heart beating wildly in his chest. Now he knows what that feeling sitting on the hangman with Riz for the first time was, because this is the same feeling, the beating heart, the dry throat, the sweaty palms. It’s love.

Riz just keeps that infuriating smile on his face and opens his eyes. He looks deep into Fabian’s nervous, waiting eye. “I know. I _said_ I love you too, you dumbass,” Riz’s smile widens, and Fabian’s heart skips a beat. Does he mean…? Surely, he can’t mean that. And what kind of way would that be to say it. There’s no way Fabian can be sure-

“I’m pretty tired, so if you could please scoot closer and kiss me now that’d be good,” Riz says, and Fabian thinks he might combust right then and there, on the spot. Riz does love him back. Riz loves him. Riz wants him to kiss him. Wait, Riz wants him to kiss him.

Fabian swallows nervously and moves his head the last few inches forward, joining their lips in their first kiss, the first kiss that really means something to Fabian. He feels the butterflies take flight in his stomach, as he kisses the boy he loves, alive and warm in his arms, and the boy he loves kisses him back.

**Author's Note:**

> Me, projecting onto both Riz and Fabian? That’s called multitasking, baby.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this! Please leave a comment if you did, because I have no genuine idea whether this is any good or not lmao.  
> Also yes, I totally took a page out of CR's book for the resurrection ritual. This fic wasn't even supposed to have a resurrection ritual, it just wrote itself like that, and now here we are.
> 
> Come yell at me on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/myosotis_arvenc)! I really need some friends in the D20 fandom.


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